Seminar

The Seminar Post - "Thanks, SpongeBob. I'll alert the New York Times."

I knew that moving across the country would be hard at first. Like, I knew that. But there's a huge difference between intellectually understanding it and really feeling it. This past week in LA has been hard, man.

But instead of thinking about how difficult it is, I want to talk about one of the things that made me happiest before I left: Seminar!

You guys, I am so proud of this show. And it is entirely because of the incredible cast and crew.

Rachel Goodgal is an incredible director. She had this incredible eye for finding exactly what was missing from a scene, or knowing what to change about our set or blocking to change the feeling of the entire moment for the better. And best of all, she's so good at directing actors, probably because she is one herself! She never tells us how to feel

James Horgan played Leonard, and you never would've guessed that this was his first play. He was so cool and cunning and so different from how I originally pictured Leonard. In my initial concept for the show, Leonard would've been much snarkier, more emotional, and openly sexual. But he is proof positive that being open to the unexpected can only make a creative project better.

Conversely, there is no point at which I could ever have pictured anyone other than Justin Andrew Davis playing Douglas. He does pretentious and overly intellectual so well, but the thing that makes it so good isn't the wry humor that comes with it. It's that he's such a kind, thoughtful, and compassionate person just as a human, and that comes through in his performances as well giving them this beautiful layer of depth you otherwise would never see.

I was so excited to get to work with Wesley Cady as Izzy. She's one of my oldest friends, and she's getting her MFA from Wayne State, but this is the first time we've ever done a creative project together! She's so natural on stage - there are few actors who don't feel the need to do something, but she just is. She just sits there and listens and that makes her absolutely mesmerizing.

Last but not at all least is Christopher Erlendson as Martin. Firstly, the show wouldn't have happened without him. There were several times when I had issues finding a venue and other important things and I seriously considered dropping the project. He's the one who kept finding solutions to problems I thought were impossible. I couldn't be more grateful that he did. And he was an extraordinary Martin. There was one night where we spent hours in rehearsal just discussing character and relationships; I've never seen anyone so devoted to a project as he is to everything he chooses to join. (He has a couple of shows coming up, too! Check out the new production of A Kreutzer Sonata at The Secret Theatre in New York in August! And then Magic? later this year!)

I also want to give a shout out to The Artist Co-op, who so graciously let us use their space! It was the perfect location for this particular production - immersive and creative - and their whole set up both ingenious and genuinely useful for artists.

There are many things about producing a show that are really, deeply frustrating. But this experience was the best reminder that it can be so worth it.

Travelling Across the Country - "To what extent do you know that I'm moving to LA?" - Me, lately, a whole lot.

Yesterday I flew to Los Angeles. Now I'm here.

Over the course of the day I fluctuated from being deeply excited to explore a new city to not wanting to ever leave New York to being determined to make this happen to wondering why the hell I was doing this to myself to desperately wanting to produce something and act in it here so I can find my fellow People Who Do Things. And I would go through all of those within the span of five minutes.

There's a difference between intellectually knowing that my friends in New York are still going to care about me and not feel like I decided to just leave them, and actually emotionally believing it. And I don't know how to convince them that they're still important to me when they already know it.

Also, New York is so important to me. It's my hometown, it's the "concrete jungle where dreams are made." I've discovered who I am there, I've fallen in love there, both with the people and the city. I picked my major in college because of just one street in Manhattan! (Okay, maybe it's not just Broadway, but New York is THE place to be for theatre in the US.) It's shaped every aspect of who I am. How could I possibly leave it?

But I've barely been here twelve hours and LA has already so fully welcomed me. I had several wonderful friends who I knew from before who couldn't possibly make it more clear how excited they are for me to be here. I had to promise a few of them to text as soon as the plane landed, and I'm so psyched to see them. In my Lyft on the way to my apartment, I had the most lovely conversation with my driver and fellow passengers. My roommate in my first sublet here is kind and friendly and so, so helpful. I already have social plans for tomorrow (since today is all about recovery from flying and jet lag) and people are going out of their way to invite me to events and direct me towards people and resources that could be useful. So many actresses come to LA, and I am absolutely the freshest off the plane, and it feels unfair that so many people should be wanting to help me, but I love and appreciate it nonetheless!

And LA is so beautiful. The weather here is perfect. LA people kept warning me as I was arriving that I'm coming into a heat wave, but it's just heat without the intense humidity, and it's kind of lovely. And I get to take advantage of it, because there's a pool?? In my apartment building??? It's amazing to me.

It's still hard to know that, unless I get an East Coast gig or a major audition for me comes up there and I can't self-tape for it, I probably won't be back in New York for six months. I have a thing about never letting people see me cry in real life, but I couldn't stop myself when I was in the plane and it was taking off. Good thing I had a window seat so only the girl in my row knew I was doing it.

When Seminar went up this past Saturday (!!) (More on that soon!) the rest of the cast gave me flowers after the show for my last performance in New York.

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We went out for drinks afterwards, and I was overwhelmed by the feeling, the wondering how I could ever leave New York.

I can't wait to have the same feeling about LA.

"So, what's it gonna be? Do you want to be a writer... or not?" - Seminar

I'm in a play on Saturday! Yay!

It's Seminar, by Theresa Rebeck. I'll be playing Kate. You can still get tickets at seminartac.brownpapertickets.com

There are a few interesting things about this show. One is the discussion of how feminist it is. You all know by now that I'm pretty feminist, and I think this play agrees with the feminism that I believe in. But there's also a pretty easy argument that it is, in fact, anti-feminist. I'll go into that more in a different post. For now, though, no spoilers! You'll just have to come see the show and then discuss it with me afterwards.

More than that, though, is the level to which I've been able to discuss acting, performance, writing, and art with artists whom I respect and admire by working with them in this show. I know actors always talk about how much we learn in every show/film/whatever. But this is a play all about what it means to reveal yourself, to be vulnerable, and to be an artist. And here I've gotten to be surrounded by thoughtful, deliberate people and discuss what that means both within the context of the show and in our own lives.

And last night I had a wonderful experience with my Martin, Christopher Erlendson, where we spent hours going in depth about character, how Martin sees everyone else in the show, what it means to play emotions and how to do it. And I realized what a special place we're at in our careers, where we've found people who are really that good - the people we're going to "come up" with as we move through the ranks - and we have the time to sit down and really decide what acting means to us. Emotions. The human condition. Relationships and what it is to connect with another human being.

I've seen stories from people who "made it" and then later on in life looked back and their favorite part was their early careers where they didn't have the money they made later on, but they had everything in front of them, and I always used to look at those and be like "yeah, but career and financial security would be nice." But now I think I get it? I don't have the benefit of that length of experience yet, but I realized that I'm at that place in my career, and I'm so grateful to have such cool people with whom I get to go through it.

Anyway, come see Seminar this Saturday! I promise it'll be a cool show. 

Processing Life Events

So, several life changing things have happened to me and the people around me this month.

-I left my day job.
-I found a place to live in LA, meaning that my move over there is Really Happening.
-One of my close friends from middle school got married.
-A friend of mine took me to the Tony's.

From a year and a half long dream fulfilled (I liked my day job well enough, but it's not like I ever wanted to stay a server) to a childhood dream fulfilled (I wenT TO THE TONY'S OH MY GOD), it's been an intense month. And I'm still processing pieces of it.

For instance, my friend getting married. She and her girlfriend have been together for years, so it wasn't really a surprise to anyone. But it was still so wonderful to have a day that's all about them and their happiness. You know how there's always that one bridesmaid who is up by the altar just sobbing with happy tears? Guess who has two thumbs and was the bridesmaid that did that?? THIS GIRL. But it's also made me think a lot about what it is that I want in my personal, romantic life. Casual dating just isn't doing it for me. So what comes next? What is it that I want? What are the steps I would have to take to achieve that, and are there any that I can actually do? I don't know.

My feelings about moving to LA also keep fluctuating wildly on a literally minute-to-minute basis. I can't wait to explore a new city, and see what else there is for me on the other side of the country. I love film, and I'm about to be in a city that is absolutely dedicated to it. And I've gotten very comfortable in New York; too comfortable, I think, and I want to always be outside of my comfort zone. But also... how am I supposed to leave New York? Amy Poehler talks about "finding your tribe" in Yes, Please, and I'm well aware that I have finally really found mine only now as I'm about to leave. I have people here I love both working with and also just being around. And now I'm supposed to leave them? I'm aware that it's not forever and we'll still be friends and they'll still think of me for their work and everything, the same way I'll think of them. But I can't believe that I have to start all over again. I know I would have to do it eventually anyway. That doesn't make it fun.

Anyway, the point is, it's been one hell of a month. I've loved it. But oh man, there is so much to feel and I don't know how to process all of it just yet. Good thing I'm going somewhere where I won't have much of a social life so I'll have time to myself to do just that, huh?

On a separate topic, but still important, I'm doing one more show before I leave New York!

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Come see Seminar on Saturday the 1st at 8pm at The Artist Co-op! It's a script in hand reading, and I'll be playing Kate (along with having produced it). You can get tickets at seminartac.brownpapertickets.com. I'm sure I'll write more about this one soon, too!