I want to talk about inspiration. Mostly because I'm feeling a distinct lack of it right now.
This, for instance, is my third attempt to write a blog post today. I had different topics each time, but while they all kinda interested me, I didn't have anything to say about any of them and had too hard a time coming up with anything.
I've written about discipline before, so I'm not going to make the moral of this story that sometimes it's hard but you just keep doing the work regularly and eventually good things will happen. It's true, but I also went over that less than a month ago. So I guess right now I'm talking about how to keep doing these things when you just really, really, really don't want to.
Don't get me wrong, I love being an actress/writer, and I'm willing to do just about anything I have to do to be successful and make a living at it. I want to tell great stories and give personal, moving performances and touch peoples' lives. All of those things actors and writers say and believe.
But I also want to sleep.
I'm pretty tired, man. I've started working dinner shifts at my day job, and my body hasn't adjusted to that yet. And I know that I have sides to prepare for a casting director seminar tonight, and I need to work on the script for a show, and I need to keep writing my new screenplay and discuss the rough cut of the first few scenes of The Slightly Awkward First Date of John and Joanna, all in addition to submitting to casting calls online and doing all of the other day-to-day work of being an actor/writer. Don't get me wrong, it's all work that interests me and I love it. I just also love sleeping.
To be honest, I don't know what the cure for this feeling is. I know it'll go away on its own eventually. And I know that I'll keep forcing myself to work though it. It'll be fine. But damn, sometimes it is so much harder than I thought it would be.
When I was younger, I thought that the things I'm passionate about would be the things that would keep me awake with the fire burning, constantly engaged and interested and alive. And now I think I'm learning that they're the things that are worth just working through the exhaustion.