So I've been thinking a lot lately about my priorities.
On one hand, I know I need to be the person who works the hardest to succeed in my industry. There are plenty of people who are talented and there are plenty of people who are beautiful and there are even plenty of people who are smart, but not everyone is going to work as hard as I do.
And that all sounds really nice. But then... what about the rest of my life?
Guys, I haven't gone on a date in a really, really long time. (Don't worry, I promise this post isn't about to be all about a twenty-something person's melodrama.) That's mostly by choice; I don't want to just go off on a date with anyone who will have me, I want a meaningful relationship with someone I really care about, who feels the same in return. But also... that means there's a whole part of my life that's missing.
I barely even hang out with friends anymore. I do one social thing a week every week, and it's fun, and I still, you know, go on Facebook and stuff. But I also plan my schedule two weeks out, so whenever anyone texts me asking "hey, are you free tomorrow?" the answer is always "no." I'm always about to go to some job, or I'm working on a script, or I have to prepare for an audition. There's always a reason. It's not like I'm choosing to be anti-social. But that's also a whole other part of my life that's missing.
And if acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances, and if I draw from my own life to create characters and to understand scenes, then what do I have to draw from if I'm missing these hugely important parts of being human?
Of course, it may not be intrinsic to being human, per se. It's a deeply recent development in human history that we all have to be connected to our friends all of the time. Back in the 1800s, an "accomplished" young woman could sing, play piano, speak several different languages, dance, et cetera. And that's all helped by the fact that she would only do maybe one social thing every other week, since it would take, like, a month to visit anyone. Keeping up your correspondence meant responding to letters for, like, an hour a day. Today I'm incredibly rude because it'll take me a few hours to respond to texts/Facebook messages.
I'm sure there's a happy medium in there somewhere. I just don't know where it is, yet. At least the work-in-progress part of the human condition is something to which I can deeply relate.
There's also the part where I have to choose with whom I want to stay friends at a time when I can't be close with everyone on my Facebook friends list, but it's also impossible to just slowly fade out of someone's life if they've decided they want to keep you in theirs. But that's a whole other blog post for another day, when I figure out how to talk about how to let go of friends in a way that doesn't make me sound pretentious and like I'm complaining about being too popular.