I'm coming to the end of the One on One Advanced Industry Workshop. And every class we've had has been valuable, I've learned a ton about being artistic in the business, and I've met tons of wonderful people. That is all 100% the case.
All throughout, though, I've been getting consistently similar comments about my performances. "Your work was great, you just need a little more confidence and it'll be there!"
Well, that advice was confusing to me, because I kind of think I'm the shit.
("What? Did Emma just curse in a professional forum for the first time??" Yes, I did. Lookit me, using profanity for a specific effect instead of, as anyone who knows me casually has heard, allowing curses to pour out of my mouth like chocolate syrup from a Hershey's bottle.)
And then last night, it was phrased in a way I had never heard before that cleared everything up and lifted the veil from my eyes.
"You're very likable, and the people behind the table will like you. But I felt like I could just blow you over. I need to see you dig in and be able to fully own a space. I need to believe that you're not desperate for me to like you, that you could say 'fuck you' and walk out if you wanted."
Holy crap. That's it.
It's the ability to say "fuck you."
Because I have thought very highly of myself for quite a long time. I am intelligent, talented, clever, confident, interesting, creative, and pretty. I know I'm an extraordinary woman.
What I never realized is having this knowledge is just step one.
It's not knowing that "I am enough." It's about being able to say that it doesn't matter whether or not I am enough, because I'm gonna do it anyway. I am an actress. And fuck anyone who isn't on board with that.
Wow, this is the fastest I've ever written a blog post. It just... came out exactly how I wanted it!
Also, I've redone parts of my Actress page! It looks much neater and prettier now! So head on over there and take a gander! It's bizarre how much work went into making it look elegant and simple.