I've been thinking about an ex of mine a lot recently. Not that I want them back, but it's cuffing season and I've still elected to remain single, and even if it's by choice, it's still a little bit lonely.
I know exactly what my priorities are. I know that I usually work evenings, and the nights I have off I want to be writing or watching movies, not going out with somebody just to go out with somebody. If I'm not feeling ~*that feeling*~ for a person, then it seems like a bit of a waste of time. In 20th Century Women, someone describes to Annette Bening's character his casual relationship, and she asks "if it's not serious, then why do it?"
Life is exciting and layered and interesting and stimulating and fun. Or at least it can be. It's supposed to be. I try every day to make it be. (Is that terrible grammar? Yes. Do I care because the literary device there still works? Hell no.)
And if I get more excited by hearing my favorite Christmas songs and making slutty brownies but with CANDY CANE JOE-JOE'S (you're welcome for that idea) than going on a particular date, then why should I?
To be clear, it's not that I'm uninterested in dating altogether. It's just that I only want to bother dating people I really want to date.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm rejecting people before I've given them a chance because I'm scared of commitment. Maybe it's me having imposter syndrome, and/or feeling this Groucho Marx quote: "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me a a member!"
But also... so what?
Plus, I never want to toy with anyone the way that ex toyed with me. I never want to have someone relate me to the Paulo Coelho quote "it's important to realize you can miss something, but not want it back."
Anyway, you all should check out this movie because it grapples with a lot of the same topics about what it means to be a good person and figuring out life and Annette Bening's performance is just ridiculous in how nuanced and casually emotional it is.